Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Hmmm..... Journals.

It's cloudy and windy with intermittent rain today.  It's my favorite weather.  It's a great chance to air out the RV.  It feels great on my skin coming through the house.  It's calming.  It's my idea of the perfect weather for scrapbooking.
Unfortunately, I am still dealing with my face.  I have started to believe that the nerves in my head are being directly affected by my sinus issues.  You see about 20 years ago I was in a car accident that virtually shattered my sinus cavity.  Of course, they immediately did surgery (through my nose, yck) but, just like anything else in your body that gets messed up, it's never been quite right since.  So, while I love this weather, I believe it's playing havoc on my sinuses and, as I was already dealing the flair of my trigeminal neuralgia, that in turn is exascerbating the issue.  The worse part of all this is that for the past week I have only averaged a couple of hours of sleep per night... then last night I literally had to fall asleep sitting upright as everytime I laid down I started screaming.  Long story short, I feel miserable - I'm uncomfortable in any position and I'm exhausted.  So, even though it is the perfect day to do so, I can't scrapbook - and that too makes me miserable.  Oh well.
Back to the subject I had in mind when I started.  Journals.  I have several Journals.  New, never used ones that are just too beautiful to write in as well as very nice spiral bound ones that I use alot.  But I don't journal.  When I got a new one at Christmas, I started out trying to use it as a type of diary - after about 2 weeks there is a little letter in there, "Dear Journal, this is ridiculous..." because there is nothing about my everyday that I want to journal.  (So why do I blog?!!) 
However, there are two (2) lovely little spiral bound journals that sit on the table next to my couch all the time.  And I do use them.  I write random thoughts about things that I may want to explore further.  I write down memories that pop into my head.  I write about moments I want to remember in the future.  I copy down quotes that I love.  I write journaling that I want to use on scrapbook layouts.  I write notes about scrapbook layouts that I want to do.  I sketch scrapbook and card layouts that I dream up.  I staple in pictures of cards, layouts, comics, ads, etc. that I find inspiring or just plain fun.  I write down prayers so that I can remember them.  I put in notes to the kids, little words for them to live by.  I occassionally just write a little letter to someone about how I feel about things.  I note song titles because there are songs that I love and that mean something to me, but I may not ever remember the name of them again.  I write random thoughts about everything from politics to the military to my favorite time in history.  There are pages throughout each of them that have urls/passwords to websites I've joined - but they are in no specific order, just scattered about. 
So why am I telling you all of this?  Well, because as I was sitting here today I glanced at them.  Then I actually thought about them.  And I realized how important these little books on my coffee table that I jot crazy crap down in really are.  I realized that if something happened to me today, my family could read all that crazy crap and get a pretty good idea of just who I am, what I feel and how my brain works.  Even inside all those quotes are little pieces of me, because these are the ones I chose to remember.  Those pictures of cards and layouts and comics stapled throughout show the things that inspire me and make me laugh.  Those little bits of future journaling that may or may not make it to my scrapbook are very indicative of what was important enough to me that I want to work to make it memorable. 
Also, these books are important to me.  Because I can't remember things anymore.  Because the MS takes more of my brain everyday and I feel things that I used to know slipping away.  So reading what I wrote, brings those things back.  All those entries remind me of who I am, what I feel and how my brain works. 
It is hard for me to type anymore. I went from 90 wpm to about 10 wpm. It takes a lot of typing and retyping and editing to get this blog readable. Sometimes it takes all day - like this one. But I know that someday someone will read it and it's worth the work. And at a time when I am feeling useless, inept and lost, it gives my life a little meaning. What does that have to do with my little journals? Well, I just want you to know that I write all that crazy crap by hand - sometimes it's almost unlegible - but it's there.  I never worry about aesthetics because these are my books and what is important is the stories hidden in the scribbling.
So whether you're suffering from an illness that can take away your mind somedays or you're a scrapbooker or you're fond of quotes, poetry, or lists or you're just opinionated, I suggest that you grab you a little spiral journal that you love the cover of and place it on the table next to where you sit the most.  You don't have to write in it everyday.  You don't have to do anything.  Just place it there and let it sit a while.  I bet sooner or later you will put something you want to remember in there - a song title, a quote, a movie you love, a bible verse, a picture of your crush (Brad Pitt), your grocery list.  Or maybe you just shove a picture of your kids or a birthday card beween the pages for safekeeping.  Eventually, you will find your purpose for this useful little book.  And there will begin a record of who you are, what you feel and how your brain works.


"Sometimes life knocks you on your ass... get up, get up get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them." - Steve Maraboli

No comments:

Post a Comment