10 Things - the Makeup Test...

Yes, I missed 10 things on the 10th - for several months.  So I am doing 10 things about the time I've been away (if I can think of 10 things!!!).  Here goes...

1)  We are all still staying at my mom's house.  ALL OF US!!!  I am currently sharing a 10x12 bedroom with GiGi (well, it's really her bedroom and I just visit on some nights).  We ordered bunk beds with a Futon (full size bed) on bottom.  But since GiGi walks and talks and finds things and fixes things in her sleep, the top bunk is used mostly for reading, homework, computering, etc. and she sleeps on the bottom bunk; and, thus, with me if I sleep there to give my aching body a rest from the couch.  In addition to the fear of her falling, there was the fear of her being decapitated by the ceiling fan which must run constantly for my menopausal wellbeing.  Because this is where I go during the day to rest, especially now...

2)  My dad fell... again.  This time he broke his other hip and had to have 2 pins inserted (his right hip was broken in Jan 2011 and the ball was replaced).  Two days after he was dismissed from Home HealthCare, he fell getting out of bed and has since been confined to a wheelchair.  The Doctor said just yesterday that he can start to put weight on that leg again and so, here we go again.  Fortunately, he is staying in the wheelchair for the most part (except during therapy) instead of trying to jump up and use his walker again.  But I know him - it's just a matter of time... a matter of time until he decides that he can walk with the walker without anyone helping and a matter of time until he falls - again.  But then there's the fact that...

3)  GiGi's computer screen is broken and so she has taken over my laptop.  My desktop is still in my RV on the other side of town so I have been on approximately 8 times in the past 4 months, to include signing into Facebook to check on my family and post photos.  Not that I have the mental capacity most days to get anything done, even...

4)  My mother is desparately afraid she is losing her mind - whether due to the diabetes, alzheimers, dementia, stress, or who-knows.  I truly believe it's the stress.  This is absolutely the most stressful situation there has ever been, but we can see no alternative.  GiGi absolutely refuses to go back home to even get her stuff.  My daughter's health is still a day-to-day rollercoaster/house of horror.  Fortunately, Jacob has made good friends here and loves to go to the end of the road to fish in the Sound.  As a result of

5)  My mom won't let me leave.  I think it's a security thing (or she just has toys in the attic because I am NOT easy to live with).  She just can't even consider it and she really doesn't even want to go out of town because she says I can't go with her because I have to stay and take care of the kids.  So here I stay with a total lack of privacy or time to myself.  But she's my mom and...

6)  I have responsibilities.  I don't mean to sound like I have responsibilities and no one else does.  We ALL have responsibilities.  It's just that I didn't really have as many while living in the RV.  I get up at 5:00 am to get the kids ready for school and am up until 10:30-11:30 at night getting them to bed.  GiGi has cheer practice 3 nights a week until 9:00, so by the time she gets home, showered, wound down, making sure homework is finished, everything is ready for the next morning, etc. it's just late.  Then there's the weekend games, tutoring, socializing that 13 year olds must have a ride for - all the time.  You know what I mean.  But at 51, I'm almost too old to do all of it.  Well, with MS I'm almost too old to do it...

7)  The more tired I get, the more sick I get.  So sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!  I'm just worn out most of the time.  And with this many people, there is so much to do.  Right now, I have got to get the energy to clean out my mom's garage (which has been used as a storage unit since the time they have moved into this house) so that my brother can come make an extra room out of it.  I still haven't gotten my RV or my daughters house cleaned up and this house looks like a tornado has hit most of the time.  We have 3 women here, and no one feels like doing anything (teenagers don't count right now with homework, cheer practice, tutoring, etc.).  It's even more depressing...

8)  You know how you say, well this is it, it can't get any worse - but it does!  That's how it feels around here most days.  Yes, I have an income now and that is a true blessing.  But I am surprised at how little that has changed anything.  Of course, it's great to be able to do what little I want to do without having to borrow the money.  But I think worrying about money is now just ingrained in my being (I'm actuallly getting tighter than a hair in a biscuit).  I do it all the time and not just for myself but everyone in my family.  As well as their health - even my little brother in Tampa is in bad shape as well as his wife and I worry about them all the time.  I know I should trust in God to take care of everything in his own way; and I do in a very basic sense.  I just think I'm designed to worry...

9)  But I have found out something about myself that was only hinted at before.  I must scrapbook.  I must craft.  I've been crafting for about 25 years seriously.  Crocheting, cross-stitching, sewing, and then I found scrapbooking/papercrafting and fell madly in love.  But now I realize it's more than just a love affair.  It really is my very own brand of nerve-pill, anti-depressant and happy-pill all rolled up.  A few weeks ago my mom said to me "I don't know if it's because of your illness, your tired, your depressed - but you are just angry and mean.  No one can say a word to you without you just being hateful in return.  You've been like this for a couple of weeks."  Well it was probably because of all 3 reasons, but I was certainly as mad as a hornet about her saying that to me.  I was ready to pack when I went to bed that night.  But the next morning I got up at 5:00, got the kids on the bus, cleaned the kitchen and sat down in my little corner of the kitchen table and started cutting paper.  And glueing paper.  I made a few cards and a couple of layouts.  And do you know what?  Well of course you do!!!  I was a totally different person when I got up from that table.  The next day my mom said she didn't know what had happened but I seemed so much better.  I told her, "I remembered where I'd left my sanity."  And she realized I was right.  There has been no more talk of me cleaning up my little corner of the kitchen or storing my scrap supplies.  I suppose she realized that it was better to look at what she considers an inconsequential mess than for me to live without that "stuff".  Who needs counseling when you have pretty paper and bling??!!

Cardstock: Paper Studio; Patterned Paper: Echo Park, American Crafts (AC); Stickers: American Crafts, Cosmo Cricket; Journaling Spots: American Crafts, K&Co.; Flowers: American Crafts, Recollections; Brad & Bling: Hampton Art; Punch: Martha Stewart; Other:  Adobe Photoshop Elements

Cardstock: Paper Studio; Patterned Paper: Sassafrass; Flowers: Paper Studio, Prima; Stamp & Stickers: American Crafts; Ribbon: Paper Studio; Brads:  Making Memories; Other:  Buttons, Thread, Adobe Photoshop

Cardstock:  Michaels; Patterned Paper:  My Minds Eye; Stickers:  K&Co, Jolees, Glitz; Flowers: Recollections, Paper Studio, Prima; Ribbon: Ofray; Doily:  Wilton; Bling: Hampton Art; Stamp: Stampabilities; Brad: Paper Studio; Paint: Plaid;

And so there's no more talk about...

10) I've been doing some serious shopping.  Well for me.  I did buy GiGi a complete closet full of new clothes for school (I like to say it was a necessity as she's grown 4-inches since April... but truth is I am living vicariously through her 5'7.5", 105 lbs of perfect body for all those too cute clothes!).  But more importantly, I've got new scrap supplies - well new for me as I've been longing for some of them for so long... Echo Park papers (woohoo!), American Craft papers, Martha Stewart scoring board, 2 paper-cutters (AC and Fiskars), some new punches, embossing folders, stamps, some 6x6 MME papers, loads of embellishments and gobs of Thickers.  I'm as happy as a pig in mud!  Now if I just had some place to put them, some energy to get it done, and the guts to stop just saving them and actually use them! 

So tonight I'm gonna do a little something different - I'm gonna pose a question:  What do you do with patterned paper, etc. if you realize you don't love it as much as you thought you would?

Well, that's a little something something to let you know that I am still alive.  I have certainly thought of my blogends many times.  It's good to be back - hope I can stay.

Cheerio.

P.S.  I miss you too Cynthia - thank you so much for those notes as they would pop up on my phone and make me feel better about life in general... you'll never know just what I mean, but Thank You isn't quite enough.

P.S.S.  Sorry these are the best pictures - I'm figuring out the best way to take them and, well, I'm just tired tonight.

"Art is a guarantee of sanity.  That is the most important thing I have said." - Louise Bourgeois